By 4 month of age, your baby is ready to sleep through the night! Nutritionally, babies have stores to make it through the night once they’ve reached about 12 pounds, so night time awakenings after they’ve reached 12 pounds have nothing to do with hunger.
Night waking is normal for all of us. Everyone, including babies, wakes up 3 to 5 times each night. We just roll over and go back to sleep. Babies may cry when they wake up, but they continue to cry because we (with the best intentions) condition them to cry. They aren’t crying because they are lonely, or afraid, they are crying because something has changed – they’ve woken up. When we comfort and feed them in the middle of the night, we can inadvertently create a fearful or dependent child – night waking is something babies can learn to handle independently. Helping a baby who is capable of being independent go to sleep tells the child they are not capable of doing it alone. Rushing in and comforting with a worried facial expression tells the baby “this is a fearful situation, I am worried, and you need my help.”
Feeding at night (once a baby no longer needs it nutritionally) teaches a baby to eat for comfort, risks excessive weight gain, and can lead to cavities once the first teeth are in.
You can uncouple feeding from bedtime, you can make going to sleep at bedtime easy, and you can teach your baby to handle night waking independently. I call my sleep plan The 2, 4, 6, 10, 15 minute plan. (Not catchy, but it works!)
Changing a routine of night waking, comforting, and feeding isn’t easy, but you can do it, and you’ll be glad you did. Babies and toddlers are honest, and they don’t like change. Babies cry; toddlers throw tantrums when faced with change. A nighttime crying baby isn’t afraid of the dark, or hungry, or missing you. She just doesn’t like the change. Be patient, give your baby a chance. She will learn, and you will too. Handling night waking independently is a huge milestone. It is the first limit parents must set, and the first limit babies learn. It is the first self-esteem boost a baby gets – self-esteem doesn’t come from us telling them they are great – it comes from accomplishing something difficult. It’s like learning to ride a bike. If the parents never let go, the child never falls, never cries, and never learns. When we let go, shed a few tears, and scrape a few knees, we learn to ride. We and our child feel a real sense of accomplishment.
So, that’s the intro, and here’s in the PLAN.
Put your baby in her crib awake, in a room of her own, tell her goodnight, turn off the light, and leave. A good bedtime is about 7 pm.
SHE WILL CRY.
Watch a clock. Wait 2 minutes. Go back in.
DON’T TURN ON THE LIGHT, DON’T SAY A WORD, LET HER SEE YOU, LOOK CALM, AND LEAVE.
Wait 4 minutes. Go back in.
DON’T TURN ON THE LIGHT, DON’T SAY A WORD, LET HER SEE YOU, LOOK CALM, AND LEAVE.
Repeat at 6 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes. If she’s crying, go back in. DON’T TURN ON THE LIGHT, DON’T SAY A WORD, LET HER SEE YOU, LOOK CALM, AND LEAVE.
It could take 1 to 2 hours, or even longer, to get her to sleep the first night.
She’ll probably wake up 2 or 3 times. If she doesn’t cry, don’t go in. If she cries, go in. DON’T TURN ON THE LIGHT, DON’T SAY A WORD, LET HER SEE YOU, LOOK CALM, AND LEAVE. Then 4, 6, 10, and 15 mintues, then every 15 minutes until she stops crying. ALWAYS LET HER SEE YOU, LOOK CALM, AND LEAVE.
The second night will be much easier – she’ll fall asleep more quickly and wake only 1 or 2 times. The third night takes only about 10 – 15 minutes to fall asleep, and there are usually no crying spells during the night.
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THE SAME PARENT HANDLE THE ENTIRE NIGHT. Alternating going in confuses babies – if mom puts her down, but dad comes in, the first thing she will think is “what happened to mom?” The second parent can handle the second and third night.
YOU CAN DO THIS! SHED SOME TEARS, SCRAPE SOME KNEES, LET GO OF THE BIKE. YOU AND YOUR BABY WILL BE GLAD YOU DID.